I struggled to get up this morning more than usual. My muscles are sore from lifting/squatting/bending all day yesterday with the kids. My broken toes are sore from the kids jumping on them. My finger is sore from me somehow spraining it while taking my boot off last night. My heart feels an overwhelming wave of loneliness this morning and I couldn’t tell you why. (Just suck it up and quit smearing your make-up, pussy.) I’m frightened of my past and my future. I feel like just running away but have nowhere I trust to run to.
I feel like every moment I spend alone lately is an opportunity to be miserable and that’s not the way it should be, the way it was. Where did my confidence go? Did Drunky really screw me up that bad? To be honest, I feel pretty weak, lost and undesirable. Those were his goals so I guess he succeeded there.
It’s Friday. That should cheer me up. But what good is the weekend when you’re broke and alone?