A Shift

So it’s been a little while. I was sick this week and the kiddos at work were insane. Most of my time has been spent with Netflix and Alka Seltzer cold & allergy medicine. Thankfully, I’m beginning to feel much better. Plus it’s a 3 day weekend for me starting tomorrow so I have that going for me.

It struck me as kind of interesting that in this last week 2 different people have told me all about their dating escapades with girls. Friend-zone achieved! It’s what I’ve been needing and although part of me is sad to not be seen in that attractive light, the other part of me is quite comforted to know that a person feels comfortable enough with me to tell me details of their life without my prompting. Is it obvious I haven’t really had friends in a while? It’s kind of a big deal, the prospect of a friend.

The first was Jerry. He had me over for dinner Saturday night while he was house-sitting for his mom. Her house was beautiful so I didn’t complain at all. He cooked okay steaks and I played with his dog. Soon I was sipping bourbon and he was drinking vodka. We were having a great time messing with Alexa, listening to old Elton John, and talking. He told me all about this girl he likes who says she’s into him but also her professor at the same time and doesn’t know what to choose. I probably said something along the lines of “Good luck with that.” I stayed there hanging out until about midnight when apparently this girl said she was coming over. Jerry apologetically kicked me out and then apologized more the next day. I wasn’t offended. We had a really great time but he’s also someone I’ve known for a year and staying close as a friend that long with someone since I’ve moved is a big deal.

The other one was my quirky neighbor. When I lived in this same apartment last year, he was my neighbor then as well. I worked downtown across the street from an Arts Center which he happened to work at. One day my coworker and I went there for coffee and I finally said hi. Since then we run into each other here and there at the apartments when we happen to be having a cigarette at the same time. He’s a picturesque arts student. Very dramatic and detailed with his conversation. Recently he’s starting calling me ‘baby’ in casual conversation. Not in a flirty way, like in an endearing way a southern black woman would say it. He’s flamboyant as hell but apparently quite straight. I was coming home from the store as he was leaving. He rolled down his window and said hey. I was in a pretty terrible mood that day so I wasn’t feeling very social but I smiled and said hi as I pulled my groceries out of my trunk. He immediately told me that I’d never believe where he was going – a church picnic get-together to meet up with some girl. I told him good luck but generally for me, devout Christians and I don’t tend to make a good match. He said “Oh baby, me too. But she’s really hot sooo….” I told him to go for it and brought my bags in. I don’t really consider neighbor guy a friend, just my neighbor, but it is always entertaining to get locked into a conversation with him. 80% of our encounters are him on his 24th hour without sleep drunk on wine trying to finish an art project. It’s pretty entertaining, to be honest. Can’t wait to hear how his picnic went when I see him next.

Pool guy finally stopped texting me constantly. Hopefully for good? Guy just rubbed me the wrong way. I do think, however, that I’m ready to dip my toe into the dating pool again. I know I’m still getting my act together here but I feel more confident and in control every day. I still think about Micky from time to time but don’t have the urge to be the first to text. I’m letting that go. Looking ahead and hoping the best for him as well. I need to focus on my own life and needs. Speaking of which, I’ve just hit 6 weeks without any romantic affection – not just sex but even a kiss. It really kind of fucking blows. I know that I still have my touch issue to combat but I feel like if I’m comfortable with someone, it will be okay. I really miss kisses. Sometimes I’ll kiss my teddy bear at night but then he gives me this dead-eyed look that tells me I’m pathetic so I tell him not to judge me and go to sleep.

This weekend is the Holi Festival which I have been looking forward to for a while. I went last year with my mom and we had a blast. She’s coming with me again (since it’s only a 15  minute walk from my apartment) and I can’t wait. I think being out in public around other people will be good for me. Last year I ran into several people that I knew. I wonder if I will this year too. Either way, it’s good to have something to look forward to.


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