The other day, when I made that emotional post about feeling such guilt about the way things went down with my ex-husband, it bothered me deeply all morning. When I got on my lunch break I had to find some relief so I sent him a text explaining how selfish I felt and how sorry I was. He told me that he already forgave me long ago and that I shouldn’t let the pain of the past hold me back. We talked all day long about how we felt, how we get through the day-to-day, reminiscing about memories and soon about some of our best lustful encounters. He and I always shared an overactive sex drive. It was what initially connected us and helped us understand each other so well. Before he left, I encouraged him to pursue his interest in writing, something he had always claimed he wanted to do but never actually did. His story turned out to be erotica, the story of the first night him and I (re)met and the intense passion that ensued. I loved it and encouraged him to do more. Yesterday he sent me another story he had written – one about a guard and a prisoner who used his body while he was chained to the bars. There’s still this sexual hunger in our texts, teasing about what we once did, what we’d love to do again.
I’m happy to be back in regular contact with him. We’ve been texting regularly since that afternoon and it feels so good to be talking to someone who actually knows me. My only fear is that talking to each other like this might bring up old feelings and confuse me even further. Or maybe that’s just my over-thinking tendencies. I dunno. Who am I to do anything the normal way?