It’s really fucking unfair for Ricky to say those things to me the other day. Now I’m all messed up in the head and doubting everything and it’s not right. Fuck I hate feelings. This is why I tried to stay away from them. I just want to be happy and hopeful but I’m still waking up with an aching heart. Can I do this long distance/opposite work schedule thing? I need to find something to fill up my time. I need inspiration. I need hope. I need Pickle to be able to provide those things. I seem to be doing a shit job of finding them on my own.