Googly Eyes

I can’t get him off my mind at any time. Even when work is a whirlwind of chaos and insanity, I think of his face and I smile. I don’t remember being this caught up (especially this early on) with anyone before, even my ex husband.

Last night we decided to explore Google Hangout and video chatted far too late into the evening. It was so wonderful to see his smiling face in motion (and to see him squeeze that tight little butt for me.) He did research on activities for long distance relationships and even offered to lend me his Xbox 360 and a television so we can play games together in our spare time. Hearing him say out loud that we’re both really invested in this gave me warm fuzzies. He let it slip that he got me a gift for when I come visit next weekend and I got all giddy. Nobody gets me gifts. How thoughtful!

He went to lunch yesterday with his mother and asked her if she wanted to meet me. Apparently she gave him a hard time about having me stay with him that weekend (super Christian ethics means that’s moving WAY too fast!) but he explained just how strongly we felt for each other. It’s one thing to rush – I definitely don’t want to do that – but it’s another thing to find someone you have such a strong connection with and pump the brakes just to be cautious, causing you to possibly lose out on something wonderful. I’ve been the biggest naysayer of ‘love at first sight’ and falling for someone so quickly but I’m being proven quite wrong. She did want to meet me and I’m looking forward to putting on my best sweetheart face for her.

It was so wonderful to have our laptops in bed last night, talking side by side almost as if he were there. We spent a good minute just smiling at each other in silence and I’m always amazed at the significance of such a simple gesture. It’s pure awe and adoration for one another and it’s making me miss that kiss like a madman.

Long distance relationships are difficult but I’d wait as long as I have to knowing that sweet, silly, nerdy man is all mine.

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Smitten

I. Am. Smitten.

So smitten.

Jack came to spend the weekend with me and we had a phenomenal time. Even something as simple as watching something on the couch is full of laughter and fun when we’re together. We had genuine adventures together and couldn’t stop smiling. By yesterday evening we were holding hands everywhere we went, stealing kisses and pinching butts whenever we got too close. Together we explored downtown, bar hopped all over, discovered a shitty band playing a set in an alley and pointed out planets in the night sky. By the end of the night I couldn’t look at his face without wanting to kiss him and breathe him in. We spoke candidly about the way we feel for each other – what we decided must be the true definition of a ‘whirlwind romance.’ He told me that he had to tell himself that there’s no way he can be falling in love with someone so quickly.

This is nuts.

This is so so so nuts.

But fuck I love it. This guy. ❤

The Spark

I’ve been pretty MIA for a while. I went through a period of being incredibly depressed and not wanting to talk about anything but I think a major part of that was being with someone I didn’t feel a spark with. I dated Pickle for a few weeks and, while he’s a kind and humorous guy, the embers of my feelings never really lit up. It got to the point where I didn’t even want to answer the phone when he called because I knew exactly what the conversation would be like: Bitch about work, talk about the cat, then awkward silence. Our opposite work schedules made it to where the only times we ever could speak were when our ships crossed in the mornings and evenings, leading to an extremely boring relationship. As soon as I identified this as the source of my unhappiness, I (kindly) explained the situation and broke up with him. No hard feelings but there’s no use hoping feelings will emerge that aren’t there.

I’ve been on several dates since then. Hookah guy was alright. Similar tastes in many things but he’s the type to talk at you rather than with you… plus he owns a fleshlight and that just really bothers me for some reason. I swear the one time I stayed there he was humping the air in his sleep. I think the guy has issues. He’s still trying to get me to see him often but I’m just really not feeling it.

There was the hairy young IT guy, Bill. I actually really enjoyed my date with him. We had coffee and margaritas, spent the night together laughing and goofing off. He even invited me to watch a showcase for the improv class he’d been attending the next day. It was a good one and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit bothered that I didn’t hear from him afterward. Every day on the way to work, I see him walking to his work. Every day I’m tempted to honk my horn or do something to embarrass him but it’s not really worth it. At least we had that one good date.

This week, however, I found that spark. I’ve only been talking to Jack for a few weeks but instantly our conversation was like butter. Not only does he have the same sense of humor and witty way of speaking, he also shares my oddest quirk (an extreme hatred for all things velvet). He’s a third grade science teacher (teacher AND science nerd?!) who helped me discover just how much lab coats turn me on. We started talking on the phone in the evenings and now have a regular theme of speaking for around 3 hours a night.. which is insane. Who talks that much every night with no lulls in conversation? Of course there has to be a downside because life can’t make it easy. He lives 3 1/2 hours away which is a total bummer. This week has been my vacation week from work and since he’s off for most of the summer, he offered to come visit on Tuesday. I had such a great time that my cheeks were hurting from smiling. He ended up staying the night and making plans then and there to come spend more time with me this weekend.

Of course, as always, I do my best not to get my hopes up but there’s something so magical about actually feeling that spark with someone.

I also feel that I should mention where I stand on the Micky situation. I had already started to get past him. I hadn’t talked to him much at all and was doing my best to cram his chapter back into the book of those 6 months of hell. He spoke with me last week and said that he wanted to come visit, spend a day and catch up. We made plans for him to come last Saturday. Of course, ‘something came up’ and he couldn’t make it, though he kept me updated through the day on his excuses. Fine, whatever, it was the second time he’d flaked on visiting. He swore up and down that he would come on Monday instead. I agreed but took it with a grain of salt. Sure enough, not a single peep from him that day. Maybe it was his goal to get me super disappointed in him so I could move on. If so, way to go because I’m completely over it now. I felt extremely disrespected but at the same time, he wasn’t on my mind at all. Only Jack. He still hasn’t spoken to me since and I’m not going to push for contact anymore. Consider this my closing of the Micky chapter.

I’m just going to enjoy this flame that’s finally lit between Jack and I. I certainly missed this warmth.